Sorry Excuses and a Hall Pass

When I started this blog less than a year ago, I had too much time on my hands. 

I was a fairly new expat struggling with the adjustment process. For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a job or volunteer commitments keeping me over-occupied while the kids were at school. So I began writing. 

In all honestly, I had been wanting to blog for many years, but never found the time. Countless posts were constructed in my head but never found their way through my keyboard. Once I had the time, I was happy for the outlet.

Now, less than a year later, it's no surprise I've found myself involved in numerous projects, teaching part time, starting a new business with a partner, and socially engaged. The blog has been relegated to the back burner. And frankly, that doesn't sit well with me. I enjoyed blogging. Not finding time for it seems a sorry excuse. Shouldn't we always find time for the things we really love?

We should. So, here's my hall pass (I hope you'll accept).... 

A good friend and fellow blogger, KettwigeFrau, turned me onto Blipfoto. I'd been stalking her beautiful photo journal for some time, thinking it was a great way to keep a simple, daily record of life and thought. As the new year rolled around, I decided to try it out for myself. I'm only two weeks in, and make no promises yet that I'll keep it going every single day (I'm quite sure, in fact, that there will be periods I abstain whilst traveling and disconnecting from the electronic world....). But by and large, I find the simple concept of uploading just one photo with a few musings fits my busy lifestyle, need for artistic expression, and desire to  maintain some form of personal journal.

I'm not closing this stream yet. I still plan to check in here with longer rants, recipes, books, music, other inspiration, etc. But I offer fair notice that it will be with less frequency. 

For regular updates on the life and times of the "Have Lipstick and Laptop Will Travel" woman with a global attitude, visit me at Blipfoto: GlobalAttitude. 

Auf Wiedersehen, Until We Meet Again....

Liebe Grüße,

Karen

Christmas 2012

'Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The treasured, precious, post-holiday peace - what bliss!

We've now survived our second Christmas in Germany. In many ways this was better than last Christmas, as we're more settled and have worked out some routines. In other ways, things fell through the cracks, as our lives are busy, with everyone more involved in school, work, and social circles. The first weekend of Advent I embarked on a wonderful weekend in London with my girlfriends. While I had a fantastic time (and you can read about on KettwigeFrau and Emma's Expat Adventures) it got me a bit behind schedule in launching into the Christmas season. The second weekend of Advent was my youngest son's 10th birthday, so not much Christmas prep happened then, either. It was the third weekend before I had some cookies baked, the house decorated, and the tree selected (once again with our lovely friends Rebecca and Sam and their three darling children). It was still several more days before we actually had the tree erected and decorated. That happened just in time for our annual Feuerzangenbowle party, the last weekend of Advent.

The in-laws visited for the holiday we sort of merged German and American celebrations by opening family gifts after our Christmas Eve raclette and then the Santa gifts on Christmas morning.

Christmas Day we took all the family out to the Flic Flac Circus in Dortmund. It was a fun afternoon outing, with a great performance, despite the scary fall of one of the performers. I do hope he's OK. So now three of the kids have returned to Hamburg with the in-laws and we'll catch up with them there on New Year's Day.

I regret not getting out any Christmas cards this season - for the first time in over 20 years. I bought the cards and the stamps and even drafted a Christmas letter for distant friends and relatives, but the evening I sat down by the fire with a glass of wine, prepared to write them, I saw the news of Sandy Hook and dissolved into tears over the senseless violent deaths of so many people not far from my home town, and was too grief-struck to send cheerful Christmas greetings. Instead I was glued to the news for several days, as were millions of others, I'm sure. I suppose I should try to send some out this week, but I fear that just isn't going to happen. I do promise to be back on the bandwagon next year (the first of my New Year's resolutions!) and will send out holiday greetings at the very least to those who kept me on their Christmas list!

I hope you've all had a wonderful Christmas holiday and wish you a New Year with good health and deep happiness!

Below is a little recipe I'll share in lieu of sending Christmas cards :)

Smoked Salmon Christmas Canapés


This year I experimented with some new party recipes and came up with cute Christmas Canapés that were fairly popular. The recipe is super simple:

• Start with prepared miniature tart shells (I found a pack of 24 at the grocery store)
• Add to each a spoonful of softened cream cheese.
  I started with about 1 cup of Philadelphia-brand sweet chili cream cheese into which I blended a tablespoon of prepared horseradish. (Chose your favorite flavor of cream cheese and zest it up any way you like - the onion & chive cheese would be good, too).
• Fold a small sliver of smoked wild salmon over the layer of cheese.
• Add a dollop of guacamole on one half of each tart.
  I made a small batch of homemade guacamole - using half a large avocado, some lime juice (lemon would be fine too), fresh pressed garlic, and some salt & pepper.
• Press a small slice cherry tomato next to the guac, round side up. I cut the tomatoes into sixths.
• Cut slivers of chive and insert then into the guac for added dimension and a darker pop of green color.

The result are lovely bite-sized green & red morsels that take about 30 minutes to prepare and can be chilled until you are ready to serve. I lined a platter with a bright red napkin for a pretty display. 

If you have suggestions for other twists to this basic recipe, please share! 

Growing an International Family Through Exchange

At a reunion with my host family October 2012

Sometimes I'm not sure how to answer simple questions like "How many children do you have?" or "How many brothers and sisters do you have?"

Because in addition to my four biological children, and my two biological brothers and four step siblings, I have this large, extended, but closely-knit international family that won't fit on your average family tree and that many people have a hard time comprehending. This is my YFU family: Youth For Understanding.

With YFU, I have two exchange brothers in different countries (one where I lived as an exchange student in Germany, and one from Sweden who lived with my family in New York when I was a teen.) And then there are all my "daughters."  These are the girls we hosted while we lived in Maryland. There are six whom we remain very close to, and a couple others we loved for a time, but for various reasons have not stayed in touch with.

Seeds
Twenty-five years ago I won a scholarship to spend a year going to high school and living with a host family in Germany. I could not, at that time, begin to comprehend how it would impact everything about the rest of my life. This is when the seeds were planted and my international family began to take root; where the rest of my life and family sprouted.

During my exchange year I lived on a small farm, in a very small village on the Baltic Sea in Schleswig-Holstein. When I arrived, I did not speak a single word of German. The language wasn't offered at my high school; I had only learned French. (I had wanted to go to France, but there were no scholarships there and my parents could not afford to send me on an exchange year. Desperate to travel, see the world, and meet new people, I grabbed the only chance I could get and applied for the Congress-Bundestag scholarship to Germany; close enough, right?).

My host brother spoke a fair bit of English, but honestly, we didn't get along too well at first. I was not what he had in mind when he asked his parents to host (the exchange organization didn't have any boys needing placement; so they got a girl - to my host mother's delight and my brother's chagrin). My host father spoke a bit of English, but worked 15 hour days on the farm. I spent most of my time outside of school helping my host mom in the house or garden. She did not speak a word of English. We both got very good at charades!

I am very grateful to my wonderful volunteer host family for taking me in. Despite not having much to spare economically, they were generous with everything they had, especially their patience and love. They taught me so much about their culture and language and helped me learn a lot about myself. We remain close today, and my host brother and I have built a strong bond.

Tree Branches
The amazing experience I had with Youth For Understanding inspired me to stay involved with the organization and share the love and learning with other young people. Initially, upon my return to the States, I got involved as an area representative. I worked to find host families for international students coming to the US, then mentored the students and families through their year together, lead cultural orientation sessions, and organized various outings and events in the community. I've now mentored about 50 students, some of whom I grew very close to and continue to stay in touch and visit with.

Daughter Stefanie (Denmark 2001-02)

After I was married, had a house and children of my own, we started hosting. This is when our family really began to bloom. My children grew up with older exchange siblings from around the world.

One great benefit of always having an exchange student in the house is that we placed a high value on doing things together as a family - going on day trips and establishing traditions to share with all of our children. When faced with the choice between doing yard work on a beautiful Saturday or taking the exchange student and our kids river rafting and for ice cream in historic Harper's Ferry, WV - well, maybe our garden was in bad shape, but our kids had amazing memories and learned a lot about the history of the area where we lived near Washington DC and Baltimore.

Every holiday was celebrated with enthusiasm as a chance to show off American customs to each new exchange student. Each year, we'd drag our students off to a tree farm to cut down the Christmas tree. We would take haunted hay rides at Halloween and carve pumpkins, color and hide Easter eggs in the Spring. The list goes on. Our exchange students brought endless adventures to our lives and helped us live fully and learn about ourselves, as well as about their cultures. Christmas cookie baking marathons included new recipes each year, brought to us by our exchange daughters from around the world. And my kids learned to say "please" and "thank you" in the languages of the kids we hosted each year.

Flowers 
As my children reached their teens, it's no surprise they wanted to have their own exchange experiences. My oldest daughter won a summer exchange scholarship to Finland when she was only 14. (One year after she spent the summer in Sweden with my host brother's family!). Marissa had a fantastic host family as well, and we were very glad that her host sister could then visit us the following June. And last summer my son was invited to visit them (they also had a boy his age). We hope we will get the entire family here to visit us in Germany soon!

Butterfly Garden

Daughter Katja (Switzerland 2002-03)

There's been a bit of cross-pollination from all these exchange experiences, in vastly different ways. I could tell a million stories. Several of our exchange daughters have met each other (during visits after their initial year) and become "international sisters." We've developed close ties with some of the natural families of the girls we've hosted. One year, on a trip to my husband's family in Hamburg, Alice (arrival student in 2000 from Munich) came up to visit us and brought her sisters. Another year, our Italian daughter (Tamara, 2005-06) also met us in Hamburg, with her parents and brother. And we've become so close with the family of our daughter, Janna (Germany 2004-05) that they took us all in when we first moved to Germany over a year ago. For two months they helped us find a place to live, look for schools for our kids, get the new house painted, buy appliances, figure out insurance, etc. There are no words for the generosity they bestowed on us - they were a life line!

My Global Family
So how many children do I have? ....
I guess I have a heart full :)

Here are a few pics of my global family.... I love them all!!!!

With daughter Janna (Germany 2004-05) in Canada in 2006

With daughter Tamara (Italy 2005-06) during a visit in 2008

With daughter Viki before Prom (Germany 2006-07)

With daughter Inessa (Germany 2007-08)

With daughter Grethe-Marie (Norway 2008-09)

Tamara and her boyfriend visit while we hosted daughter Edith (Finland 2009)

Janna and her boyfriend visiting in Summer 2010

International Sisters with Tamara and Alice (Germany 2000) in Munich 2012

Apologies! Life got in the way...

So this is something of a travel smörgåsbord post; thinly disguised as an apology for having shirked my writing responsibilities for so long. You see, lately I've been way too busy living life to find time to write about it. I've drafted dozens of posts in my head while traipsing through the summer and early fall. But now sitting before an intimidating blank screen prepared to illustrate them in full-color glory, I hardly know where to begin!

At the start of summer I took off for Munich, and wrote a review of that Summer trip slated "First up: Munich" but then failed to ever report on subsequent forays. So here's a belated recap of some other summer adventures, with a couple teasers for travel posts still to come...

Switzerland
In late July, we visited Lucerne, Switzerland with my brother and his family. I wish I had been able to capture better photos, but the weather most of the time was miserably cold and rainy. What I do need to share is that we took an awesome (albeit freezing cold and wet) excursion that, one day, I'd like to repeat under fairer skies and which I strongly encourage you to take if you find yourself visiting the Swiss Alps. It was the Golden Round Trip to Mt. Pilatus. This tour involved a ferry ride across the incredibly beautiful, turquoise-blue Lake Lucerne, followed by a slightly scary spectacular ride up the world's steepest cog railway. Once atop the nearly 7,000 foot peak, you have the opportunity for some awesome hiking and sightseeing. Unfortunately, we couldn't see much, entombed as we were in formidable rain clouds. To descend the summit, the tour includes an aerial cableway ride part-way down, then you switch to smaller gondolas for the remaining trip to the foot of the mountain at Fräkmüntegg. A short bus ride then returns you to the starting point in Lucerne.

Another day trip in Alpineland included a boat ride to Europe's largest waterfall: Rhine Falls and a hike through the town of Schaffhausen. This was nice, but if you've been to Niagara Falls, Yosemite Falls, or Viktoria Falls (among many other gorgeous river cascades) prepare to be unimpressed.

One of the more exciting adventures for the men in our group was a day of Canyoning in Interlaken. Unfortunately, since the younger kids were too small for this, my soon-to-be sister-in-law and I got stuck taking the four little ones to a noisy, chlorine-filled indoor water-park. The kids loved it, we couldn't wait to get back to the hotel and crack open a bottle of red!

Bavaria
We departed Switzerland after a few days and headed for the fairy-tale Neuschwanstein Castle. At least on this day, the weather gods blessed us so we were able to enjoy stunning views in the German Alps. Arriving too late to get tour tickets for the famous structure that inspired Disney's Cinderella Castle, we were able to tour the neighboring Hohenschwangau Castle, where King Ludwig II spent his summers growing up and actually lived while building his dreamy princess palace. The tour was fantastic and I was really glad we did it. The rooms of the castle are richly furnished and the wall murals are amazing. We were able to get a sense of what life was like in the castle during the early to mid 1800s.

The castle visit was followed by another trip to Munich so my brother and family could visit my daughters and experience a traditional German beer garden, among the other great sights of this historic city. Most of this rainy trip included the same points of interest I reported in the Munich blog post, minus the sunshine.

The Maldives
The final trip of our summer was a three-week dream vacation to a tiny atoll in the middle of the Indian Ocean - part of the Maldive Islands. That trip, which was a gift from my in-laws, is going to need its own blog post, so I promise to get one up in the next couple of weeks! Right now, I'm still sorting through the thousand photos we took and trying to assemble an album to give them as a thank-you present.

Autumn Adventures
Then summer ended, I celebrated my birthday, and the first full year of my new life in Germany came to a sentimental close. School resumed and life moved on at a somewhat normal pace, with the expected highs and lows of kids continuing to adjust to a challenging situation. We were all grateful when fall break arrived. And with it, came a visit from the American grandparents. That, too, deserves its own post. So as soon as I gather all the photos from the various trips we took to the Baltic, to Belgium, along the Rhine, and throughout the Ruhr region, I'll get them up for you!

Essen-Kettwig

And as a side note on crazy adventures, last week, in the middle of the fall break, with the grandparents and rest of the family as witnesses, my girlfriends and I participated in the Essen-Kettwig Drachenboot Race. This was a huge amount of fun and definitely worthy of its own blog post, but since my co-conspirators KettwigeFrau  and Expat Emma already blogged about it, I'll refer you to their wonderful sites! (And they're religious about updating their blogs, so check in often and you might even learn more about what I've been up to).

So, apologies again for not writing in so long. One of these days I'm sure life will slow down enough for me to find no other excuse for blog-procrastination! Until then, I hope you all are enjoying adventures of your own!

Wanted: A Great Job!

I've been in Germany for a year now and am feeling settled in. The kids are adjusting well. We've gotten their schools sorted out. I've found them pediatricians, orthodontists, eye doctors, sports clubs, and tutors as needed. They've made nice friends; and the initial transition drama has faded away. The household is set up, major appliances purchased, closets and shelves built, lamps hung, etc.

Life has returned to a normal routine for the family in most regards. But there's one big exception: I've not returned to my own career. Now that everyone else is taken care of, it's time to focus a bit of effort on my own needs.

I've completed all the residency paperwork and obtained my German driver's license. I've built a network of wonderful, supportive local and expat friends, joined a book club, began some volunteer work with an exchange organization, and even held a mini-job for most of the last year, providing English tutoring and assisting faculty at the children's school a couple hours each month. But I need more.

I need a great job.

What's a Great Job?

I am a subscriber to the philosophy "without dreams there is no need to work and without work there is no need to dream." I also believe I can pursue both work and dreams by doing what I love, and loving what I do. And that's what having a great job is all about. It's not about the money; that's just a nice by-product of a great job.

A Great Job is one where I engage with a team of bright, fun people, collaborating on interesting challenges with ample opportunity to take my own initiative. It's one where I can contribute to providing an outstanding product or service; where my unique skills make a difference in the success of the organization. It's also one where I can continually develop my skills by learning from great minds around me; where I respect and am inspired by the people I call colleagues, clients, and vendors.

What Would I Do at a Great Job?

I cringe a bit each time someone asks me "What do you do?"
The short answer is: I'm a Communication Professional. That's what my formal education prepared me to become and the essence of what made me successful in the positions I've held.

But I've applied my communication skills in very diverse settings, often filling an undefined void in dynamic organizations. I connect the dots, build relationships, refine processes...make things work, or work better...

A little bit about my background and past Great Jobs...
During four years of graduate school, I studied, conducted research, and taught classes in three communication fields: health, cross-cultural, and organizational. I worked extensively in local hospitals with resident physicians to improve psycho-social communication skills with patients from diverse cultures.

Then for nearly ten years I worked for an innovative Public Policy firm in Michigan. My titles included "Project Manager" and "Research Methodologist" but the responsibilities were rather broad and changed as the business grew. Our clients represented an incredibly wide range of fields including: education (charter schools and education voucher systems), work force development, small business economic impact measures, natural resource uses and tourism, health care policy, etc. The myriad of subjects in which I developed content expertise along with the opportunity to take on tremendous responsibility made it a really Great Job!

After moving to Maryland, I continued to consult for my previous employer and clients, but dedicated spare time to numerous non-profit organizations where I helped create major outreach and fund-raising events. The worthy causes I was able to promote (from an historic theater to international youth to a mental health association) and the fabulous volunteers and sponsors I dealt with made my freelance consulting a Great Job!

Eventually, I was asked to do some software testing at an interactive media firm that specialized in online education. The clients there were mostly large medical societies or science foundations. Being a small and dynamic firm, that role also grew quickly to include not only quality assurance but content management, project management, product support, client training, and technical documentation. I was constantly learning new technical skills and transferring that know-how to new situations. The fast-paced, cutting-edge technology environment paired with brilliant colleagues made that a particularly Great Job!

The common thread to success in these Great Jobs: a positive attitude with excellent communication and organizational skills and an ability to connect people and technology.

What Are the Tangible Benefits of a Great Job?

Another question I cringe at: "What are your salary expectations?"
A truly Great Job offers priceless intangible rewards: personal growth, professional development, job satisfaction, new friends, interesting travel, the ability to look forward to each new day at work with smart, fun colleagues.

Financial compensation is only one tangible benefit among several very important considerations. How flexible are the hours? How far is the commute? How much vacation time is available? Are there annual or performance bonuses? What kind of travel is involved? Are there company perks, such as a car, airline miles, conference attendance, or discounted products/services available?

The most important benefit I've had across all my Great Jobs: Fantastic "bosses" who offered a finely-tuned balance of flexibility, financial fairness, and fun on the job.

Where Do I Find A Great Job?

I've been blessed to have most of these Great Jobs find me. The owners of the two firms where I've worked the longest were associates or friends who asked me if I could help them out on a project. Those part-time, temporary positions quickly evolved into very rewarding Great Jobs that I was sad to leave - but life moved me to new places. Most of my freelance work came to me through referrals. So now I'm building my network, meeting interesting and smart people, and trusting that with the right connections, another Great Job will come my way.

If you happen to know someone in the Essen or Düsseldorf area with a Great Job opportunity ripe for a vibrant bilingual communication professional, please, send them my way!

My professional data can be found on LinkedIn.

Girlie Breakfast: Expat Bonding at its Best

About once a month, I eagerly run the kids off to school, kiss the hubby goodbye, and race out the door dressed up pretty for "Girlie Breakfast." This morning was one such occasion.

But it was special, because the expat bonding celebrated at these gatherings was extended to a new girl, and in a way, it was for me an example of friendship coming full-circle.

Less than a year ago, I was the lost and lonely "new girl" in town. Then I was invited to my first Girlie Breakfast. Nothing in the world could have done me more good at the time, as I was wallowing in the "overwhelmed new expat" blues.

It started with Rachel, a lovely British woman I met at an Expat Quiz Night (via MeetUp). Rachel reached out to me, the newcomer, and welcomed me to join her and a group of her friends the next morning at a beautiful little boutique and cafe very close to my home (Villa Landleben). I was a bit apprehensive about going, but also desperately in need of connecting with other women, especially anyone who could relate to my experiences as a mom in a foreign country. So I went.

And it was one of the BEST things I ever did! During the two or more hours we lingered over lattes and a splendid breakfast buffet, we talked and laughed like I hadn't done in months.

I left that first Girlie Breakfast feeling, for the very first time since moving to Germany, like everything was going to be ok. I was so grateful for the warmth and easy friendship of this group of near-strangers. They made me feel like part of a family and gave me perspective and hope. Over the next half year or so, I learned their individual stories, the reasons they came to Germany, the reasons they stay. Each month the group in attendance at breakfast may vary between 5 and 8 ladies who manage to get there between jobs, kids' appointments, household repairs, etc. In total, there are about a dozen women in the group. Each one is very different - who knows if we would even be friends in other circumstances. But here in this little corner of Germany, being expat moms is a pretty powerful common bond.

My new girlfriends, who hail mostly from the UK and US, all call this country "home." None of the women in this particular circle of expats are here on a temporary basis. Some, like me, are married to Germans. Others have expat spouses, too, but their children were either born here or have lived here long enough that it is the only place the kids feel at home; so the parents have put down roots and decided to stay for the long-term. I think that makes this group unique from many expat communities. And it makes it the perfect fit for me. I feel enormously blessed to have found them!

Now I am able to "pay forward" the tremendous gift Rachel gave me, when she extended that first invitation to breakfast....

Last night I was at a German Parent-Teacher Meeting for my son's 8th grade class. It was the first one I attended at his new school and I didn't know anyone. But then I realized the woman sitting behind me (the only one who had brought her child to the meeting) was whispering in English with her daughter. My son had mentioned a new girl from South Africa had joined their class. And she didn't speak ANY German. And they just moved here. Over the last week he'd mentioned the new girl and her family a few times and I was already feeling a bit sorry for their apparent struggles, never having met them.

I leaned over and asked them if they were new to the school. Bingo. I introduced myself as the American whose son had just come to school mid-way through last year, and we proceeded to chat and pass notes in the back of class like "bad kids" :)

I couldn't help but invite her to breakfast. I knew EXACTLY how she felt. So this morning, I swung by her apartment on my way to Girlie Breakfast and took her to meet the best expat group there ever was. And just like they had done for me, they welcomed her with open arms. By the end of breakfast there were hugs for the new girl and offers of any help she needs. She was so grateful. So relieved. And I know exactly how that felt for her, too.

She has a very tough year ahead for herself and her family. But every month or so, we've got Girlie Breakfast.

In between, we've got good old-fashioned Girlfriends (and Quiz Night, and Book Club, and Birthday Cocktails, and lots of other excuses for getting together!).

And like they did for me, these Girlfriends will do for the new girl: We've got your back. Welcome to the Girlie Breakfast Club!

Looking Back on a Year: Birthday Reflections

Yesterday I celebrated my 43rd birthday. The day was fantastic, and I'll get to that in a moment. What is important for me now is that it marked an occasion to review and evaluate the last year. This past year has been, hands down, the most difficult year of my life. It was filled with tears, heartbreak, frustrations and desperate moments. But I made it through, and recently have found more frequent days of hope and happiness. So on this particular birthday, I had a lot to celebrate. Here's a little recap of the incredible 12-month journey.

Flashback Beginning August 2011

On August 1, 2011 I signed the papers closing the sale of my beautiful home in Maryland where our family had lived for eleven years. Several days earlier all the contents had been packed onto a 40' container and sent ahead to Germany. My kids had also departed for Europe and were staying with their grandparents on the Baltic Sea. My husband and I remained with friends for a few days to settle affairs and say our goodbyes.

On August 4th we flew to Hamburg, stayed for a night, then drove to North Rhine-Westphalia, where, during a house-hunting trip a few weeks earlier, we had made an offer and begun the contract process to buy a house in Essen. We were expecting to finalize the deal and move in within a week or so.

However, after arriving in Essen, we learned that the person with whom we had negotiated the house purchase did not possess the appropriate inheritance paperwork required for him to legally sell it (The Housing Crisis post). For the next several weeks, we were left in limbo: homeless with our container sitting in port storage amounting massive daily fees as we had no place to unload our household goods.

With the start of school looming and the prospect of finding a home looking impossible, I was sure I had made a monumental mistake by moving my children overseas. I had no way to provide for them, no place for them to live or go to school, not even access to their clothes and other things we shipped. I had failed them and was already desperately homesick. By my birthday at the end of August one year ago, I was severely depressed.

By the grace of God, we found a rental home in September and things started to look up. The house was under renovations, had no lights or kitchen, but we had a permanent address and were reunited with our belongings. The kids started school and by end of October we had completed unpacking, had phone and computer lines, and a kitchen (Kitchens, Closets, and Light Fixtures post).

In November, I was feeling very lonely, had not really made any friends yet, and was still homesick. As the new year arrived, one child was struggling so badly in school that we had to move him to a different school system. All the children were overworked with school, tutors, and social adjustment in a new language and culture (Helping Teens Transition post). I was overwhelmed trying to support them and feeling isolated. Most of the time, I hated being in Germany. The incessantly cold, rainy weather didn't help.

But as Spring approached I connected more and more with some friends I made through the Expat community (Expat Resources post) and a couple parents from the kids' friends. I was able to get out more socially, began exercising regularly (Will Walk 1000 Kilometers post), kept busy with a part-time tutor job, and began blogging for personal therapy :)

Summer came, the kids all passed their classes, my brother and his family visited from the States, and then we ended the year with an amazing dream vacation to the Maldives (more on that another time).

A Year Later: August 21, 2012

Then yesterday was my birthday. Just over one year since we moved. And it was a wonderful day from start to finish. Two nights ago I met up with a German girlfriend early in the evening - just wanting to catch up after not seeing each other most of the summer. Claudia made a wonderful salad that we enjoyed with a couple bottles of wine outside on her beautiful roof-top terrace. We had such a great time and talked so long that it was suddenly midnight, and we ushered in my birthday with a toast to all that I've survived in the last year and hope for a much better next year. I went home very reflective of what a significant year it has been.

When my children awoke me early yesterday, they had set the table outside for breakfast, decorated my place with the red You Are Special Plate, gone to the bakery for fresh Brötchen, and made my coffee. I was regaled with funny home-made cards and thoughtful gifts. Later in the day, I was ready to get moving and set out on what has become my "usual route" for an 8k jog. It was the first time I had been able to do that in at least 5 weeks and it felt good to return to "my woods" and "my river." I was acutely aware of how these places felt like part of me, and that I was feeling at home and even missing Mülheim after my absence. Wow.

For dinner, we grilled burgers and again were able to eat outside because the weather, in a rare streak, has been sunny and warm all week. This might have been the best birthday present :) But my celebration didn't end at dinner. After calls from three different German friends to congratulate me, I headed to a favorite local beer garden and restaurant where six of the wonderful Expat women who have become among my closest comrades in this adopted homeland treated me to an evening of cocktails, conversation and fits of laughter! (Special thanks to Emma, Julie, Rachael, Rebecca, VeDonna, and Verena for a fantastic, fun evening!)

Final Reflections

I suppose its true that time heals all wounds. And sometimes it doesn't even take as long as we might think. A year ago, my heart and soul were deeply wounded. Today, I am well on my way to a full recovery. I feel grounded and even happy. I'm aware of my abundant blessings. And thankful for my life.

Happy birthday to me... and many more :)

My Life from My Brother's Perspective?

In less than 24 hours, my "kid" brother, his significant other, and their combined five children arrive in Germany for a 2-week visit. I'm very excited to see them all and to welcome them to my new home and my new country.

But as I've been cleaning the house, shopping, planning day trips in the region, and otherwise preparing for their stay, I find myself wondering what my brother will think of my life here. What differences will he notice; what rituals will he find odd? How will he judge me and my life compared to what he used to know?

Will my brother be surprised that our one fridge is half the size of either of the two we had in Maryland? What will he think when he sees that we now buy milk and juice in little 1-liter paper boxes, rather than mega 1-gallon plastic jugs?

I suspect he'll find the scale of many things here - including our house and yard, to be much smaller than he expects.

Will he notice that none of the windows or doors have insect screens?

I expect my brother might be startled when we're sitting around the living room in the evening and electric shutters over all the windows roll down automatically and entomb us in secure darkness :)


Will he wonder why there are two buttons above the toilet for flushing (will he ask what's the difference between them)?

Will he be surprised that the towels, which we hang dry after washing, instead of using an electric dryer, are a bit stiff and scratchy - as opposed to the super soft-fluffy towels we always had in the States?

Will my brother miss breakfasts of pancakes and waffles and bacon, as we gather around a table of bread rolls and jams, cheeses, honey, and Nutella?

He already knows we now have only one car, rather than two, having ditched the mini-van before we moved, but will he be surprised when he realizes how much and how far we walk everyday? Or ride our bikes? What will he think that the kids ride trams and trains to meet their friends in neighboring cities?

When we head out, will be be surprised that we pay for use of public toilets? That we need to put a coin in the grocery cart? Or bring our own bags to the stores?


I look around at the life I have here, which is starting to feel normal and familiar, and wonder what will be strange about it to my brother?

But no matter how odd and out of place things may seem, one thing will be very much the same: I'm still the big sister and he's my grown up baby-brother :) And I can't wait to see him!

Love Happens

In the summer of 1989 I had a market research internship at a multinational company in Hamburg, Germany. I didn't have much to do after work during the week, as my friends were up in Kiel and I could only visited them on weekends. One day a friend of the family I was living with stopped by to visit them. He was kind of cute and close to my age. He invited me to join him and his friends to play billiards. Sure, I thought, why not?

Billiards twice a week with a group was soon supplemented with walks in the park, dinners, an occasional night out dancing. We had a good time.

I was heading back to the States at the end of August and was just ending a long-distance relationship I'd been in for a couple years. I didn't want another overseas boyfriend.
But he and I had become good friends and since he didn't need to start his college classes until October, he decided to return to the States with me for a few weeks. Why not? We had fun together, why not hang out for one more month?

He returned to Germany in the fall and life went on. We stayed in touch. He wrote letters. Lots of letters. OK, he wrote a letter everyday we were apart for the next two years. Yes. EVERY. DAY. I still have the boxes of hand-written notes on pages of tissue-thin airmail paper. Maybe we've got something here?

On breaks from college, we visited each other. Then, April 28, 1992, he took the big leap, packed a large military-style Duffel bag, his computer and his stereo, and arrived in the US with an open return ticket. He thought he might stay a year. Or 20....

On June 26, 1993 I married my best friend. We've walked a long winding path together. Four kids, eight international exchange daughters, three apartments, three houses, two states, two countries, a German Shepherd, and countless good friends have all been on that path, so far....

Yeah, I think we have something here. We have fun together. We work well together. Why not hang out another 20 years or so?

:)

A Few More Things to Know About Germans

Building on the incredibly accurate and witty list What I Know About Germans compiled by Liv of A Big Life and recently published by Überlin, here are some more things you should know about Germans… A to Z. (I tried not to duplicate, so be sure to check out the original list!)

A. They have an apprenticeship program for everything. Don’t think they got that super-efficient supermarket checkout system mastered by hiring high school students for part-time jobs, no those are highly trained “Auszubildene” supermarket checkout professionals. Pretty much every service and retail job is a trained profession requiring a 3-year apprenticeship.

B. They keep beautiful, perfectly manicured lawns (gardens) despite the fact that anytime one is off work and thus has free time to mow and weed the lawn, it is a crime to do so because…

C. Sundays are holy days of obligatory lounging and recreation and…

D. Saturday early mornings, mid-afternoons, and late evenings are equally off-limits for any work, particularly which might cause a sound or smell that could potentially disturb a sensitive neighbor.

E. Speaking of neighbors, Germans strongly endorse the phrase "fences make good neighbors" and have very strict laws on the placement and maintenance of fences, which surround every perfectly manicured lawn/garden in Germany.

F. Windows should be open almost all the time. Upon entering a classroom or office, or as soon as one awakes at home, if windows are not already opened, Germans must thrust them open and declare the need for "Luftung." Even if it's below freezing and, as usual, raining.


G. During required Sunday quiet-time recreation, everyone must go for a walk. No matter the rain, Sunday afternoon is time for a "Spaziergang." Bike rides are an acceptable alternative, but....

H. Germans never bike on a a designated walking path. Doing so will get you a fine, which can actually count against your driver's license if you have one. Bikes may be ridden on bike paths or the street, and....

I. ...only if said bike is properly equipped with working lights and a bell. There will be an inspection, a test, and all other matter of formal paperwork processing to ensure that every bike in Germany meets all safety standards.

J. Given that it rains 80% of the year, they are amazingly adept at scheduling lawn maintenance and other chores around both inclement weather and obligatory quiet times. This goes back to their perfect planning and preparedness skills.

K. Like banks, pharmacies and doctors' offices are closed mid-days for lunch, Wednesday afternoons, and, of course, on weekends. So make sure you only get sick or allow your children to develop a fever during standard work-hours.

L. And if you or your child does get a cold or sprain an ankle, expect to be excused for at least a week from work or school. Illness or injury of any degree is taken quite seriously and requires one be “Krankgeschrieben” from work and/or school for an appropriate period of recovery. (Probably because it took a week to find an available doctor or pharmacy).

M. Germans love sun-soaked vacations (of course, the weather in Germany is dismal!). They flock to amazing beach resorts every year in a mass exodus during the Autumn and Spring breaks, at which times there's a greater population of German tourists in Mallorca, Ibiza, the Maldives, Grand Cayman, Antalya, Crete, Hurghada, etc, than any other nationality or the native inhabitants.

N. Like their lawns, their cars are also cleaned and polished to sparkling, despite the constant rain and required work-free timezones. It’s a federal crime to drive a dirty car. (I’m pretty sure)

O. OK, really, everything is always clean and polished. The garden, the car, the house, the boots. Germans have a penchant for cleanliness – I believe they place it not next to, but above godliness.

P. Germans are pretty trusting. I suspect they believe everyone plays by the same rules of fairness to which they subscribe. It's not uncommon to order products, books, etc. and have them delivered to you before payment, with a bill sent separately. They never seem to worry that one might fail to pay the invoice.

Q. Cash is king in Germany. They may not worry about you paying the bill, but they do worry you might overextend yourself on credit. Very few places accept credit cards. Cash and debit cards MAYBE, but even these are not accepted at a great many places. Be prepared to pay even for the delivery of your new washing machine and refrigerator in cash -even if that's up to a 1,000 Euros.

R. Oh that refrigerator. It does not come with the house. Nor does the kitchen sink, cabinets, or counters. Kitchens being a matter of personal preference, expect to find nothing more than an empty room with a pipe sticking out of the wall for water hook-up in your new apartment or house. Kitchen sold separately.

S. Light fixtures, too. Germans take everything not made of brick and mortar out of the house when they move. So bring your own ceiling lamps or the switch on the wall is worthless.

T. German employers request a lot of personal information. As well as your actual birth date, you must include a photo and your marital status on your resume. Do NOT smile in your resume picture. Smiling makes you very suspect.

U. German elementary schools are only a half day. Before fifth grade, it's rare for kids to be in school past 13:00 and more common for them to be home before noon. The recent introduction of "Ganztagsschule" or all-day school, basically provides after-school homework help but not full day instruction. But that's OK, because the super efficient German teachers can easily convey everything the super smart German children need to know in half the time other countries need to educate their young-uns.

V. Germans are dedicated to their sports teams. In fact, public viewing of National Soccer tournaments is one of the only occasions when all noise, smell, and light-restricting ordinances are lifted, and revelers may party in public as long and loudly as they wish to support the home team.

Germany Fans cheer the U19 Women's LAX World Championship

W. Germans are meticulous about recycling (dedicated to the preservation of the environment). There's an appropriate bin for every type of waste. Plastics and tin in one. Biodegradable food or yard waste in another. Glass, paper, etc. the "trash" bin is the smallest by far and to be used only for items that can't possibly be sorted into one of the other five waste baskets you have in the kitchen pantry. Expect to be fined if the trash collectors find the wrong refuse in the wrong bin.

X. Until you are a friend you are a “Bekannte” maybe even a “Gute Bekannte” but that translates to (close) acquaintance and should not be confused with a friend.

Y. They chose their friends very carefully. Do not presume to be friends with someone you’ve only met a few times, no matter how friendly the interactions were (This only makes you a Bekannte). It takes time to build a true friendship, but then you’ve got it for life.....

Z. Because of their dedication, trustworthiness, reliability, preparedness, value for recreation, regard for fairness, etc... (see points A through Y): Germans make awesome friends!

Dedicated to my amazing German friends :)

I Will Walk 1000 Kilometers: Fitness Goal 2012

Confession time. I have gained six kilos in the last year. That's about 13 US pounds. UGH.

The stress of the move contributed largely to emotionally-fueled eating, a bit of over indulgence in medicinal wine, and very poor sleep patterns, which, all combined, have taken a heavy toll on my hips and my overall health.

One of the major side effects of the weight (and stress) has been the advancement of early arthritis, especially in my spine and feet. My extra lumbar vertebra (I have six instead of the usual 5) is inflamed and causing a great deal of pain. I've seen a half dozen doctors and been prescribed massive amounts of anti-inflammatory meds and been advised to go to physical therapy for strengthening my lower back. But obviously, the best solution would be to lose weight.

I know all about good nutrition. I could teach a class on it. Healthy foods have always been staples in my diet... I love fresh vegetables and fruit (baby spinach, avocado, tomato, apples, bananas). I eat lean protein of mostly poultry, fish, and nuts, with rare indulgences in red meat. I try to curb the carbs and eat almost no white bread or pasta, but I confess German Brötchen are too tempting (even though I stick with whole grain varieties). I very rarely consume processed/canned foods and watch my sodium levels.

My biggest weaknesses are WINE, CHEESE, and CHOCOLATE. Given my otherwise healthy diet, I find it grossly unfair that I can't freely enjoy these treats, when I have skinny friends who never think twice about what they eat. So. Unfair.

Nonetheless, a couple months ago I committed to limiting even these and would say I generally have the "diet" part of healthy living under control. So the deficient part of the equation is exercise. It's hard to get motivated to exercise when you're in pain and seriously lacking sleep. But this is what I must do. My body is conditioned for and requires it. I grew up as a dancer, training for many hours a day through my youth. Just a few years ago I was running regularly. I used to be extremely fit, strong, and flexible. Sadly, that is no longer the case.

So in February I downloaded a new iPhone app (runtastic) to help me track my walking pace and distance. Then, in mid-March, I decided I needed to do more than just track my exercise, I needed specific goals. I ran some numbers, employed a little math and logic, and determined that it was entirely realistic to walk 1000 kilometers in a year. This is only 20 km per week, for 50 weeks - it even allows the standard American 2 weeks of vacation :) More precisely, I only need to walk about 5 km 4 times per week, or 4 km 5 times per week. You get it - not terribly much.

Still, I managed to get behind pretty early on. March rained non-stop. April I was traveling for 2 weeks. So come May, a reality check meant I needed to "haul butt" or give up.

I. Do. NOT. Give. Up.

In the last two weeks I logged over 80 km to get myself back on track for my goal. And here I am. Week 15. As of this morning, over 300 km trekked at a steadily increasing pace, so that I now frequently jog more of my route than walk it. I'm on track now for getting to 1000 km!

Still, the scale has not budged since I began this regimen :( I remain well over a healthy weight. Not sure what to do next. I should add weight training, but find that very VERY hard to do on my own. I know I am getting stronger and generally feeling better. The joint pain is kept mostly in check with anti-inflammatory meds and movement. But I sure would like to fit comfortably into my summer frocks and feel confident in a swimsuit. Joining a gym would be fabulous, but out of budget. So, hard as it is, I think I need to set some goals for sit ups, squats, and hand weights. Last ditch efforts will be further limiting my dearly loved wine and cheese.

Anyone want to set some goals with me and join me in my personal fitness challenge?

At least, wish me luck :)
And enjoy some pics of the beautiful Ruhr region that I get to explore as I walk 1000 kilometers this year.
 

I start my route on beautiful wooded trails

Passing babbling brooks and peaceful ponds

And continue along the lovely Ruhr River

Bitten: I've been MeMe'd Now, too

Last week I got an interesting note from a fellow expat blogger, Diana, at Raising Expats. She had tagged me in a meme blog and challenged me to carry it on. Since I'm fairly new to the blogging world, I was unaware of memes passing through the community. If you're also a little late to the game, a meme is "an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person within a culture" and here's a meme primer for you.

Diana, an American raising two young children in Germany, replied to a series of questions sent to her, and then penned her own for me and ten other lucky bloggers to oust ourselves with, whilst passing the baton to yet another set of bloggers. It's blogging chain mail. But no one promised me 10 years of luck if I participated, nor threatened me with gross bodily harm if I broke the chain. And since I'm feeling game today, I'll play along.

First, here are THE RULES as shared with me:

1. You MUST post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger sent for you in the post, and then create 11 new questions to ask the people you've tagged.
3. Tag 11 bloggers, however, you can break the rules and tag fewer people if you want. Make sure you hyperlink their names/blogs.
4. Let them know you've tagged them!
5. Have fun!

Now, here are Diana's questions for me, along with my ADMISSIONS and CONFESSIONS :)

1. What is the craziest thing you've ever done that you will admit to online?
I jumped out of an airplane! A few years ago I went parachuting and it was the most amazing, exhilarating experience!

2. Are there any choices you would have made differently knowing what you know now?
I’d like to think not…everything in life is a lesson, good, bad, funny, sad....Learn from the past, but keep your feet and smile forward.

3. What is your earliest childhood memory?
My grandfather entertaining me and my brothers with magic tricks, like pulling a quarter out of my ear. Gramps died when I was 16, during my exchange year. Still miss him.

4. Was there one event in your life that changed everything?
Definitely: Winning the Congress-Bundestag Youth Exchange Scholarship to Germany and heading off to a host family and school in a country where I did not speak a single word of the language was a life-changer in every way.

5. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Very much so.

6. Ten years ago, did you think you would be doing what you are doing today?
Not sure any of us can really imagine what we’ll be doing in 10 years, but living in Germany was not off the radar.

7. Follow up on Q6, what did you think you would be doing 10 year ago?
Ten years ago I was living in Maryland, pregnant with my fourth child, and on a brief hiatus from my career. I must have suspected in 10 years I’d still be in the US, have rebuilt my professional life and been a pretty “normal” working mother-of-four juggling kids’ sports and laundry. And that is exactly where I was one year ago, before the sudden relocation to Europe! 


8. Where do you want to be in 10 years from now?
I definitely want to be out working again, with lots of opportunities to travel! All four of my kids will be adults and I’ll have the freedom to spread my wings. Joining the Peace Corps is also not out of the question.

9. Have you been to your High School reunion?
No. I considered going to my 20th reunion, but the timing for the trip to NY didn’t work out.

10. How many countries have you lived in?
Just lived in two: the USA and Germany. Have visited a handful of others.

11. What unknown musician would you recommend?
I wouldn’t call them “unknown” but perhaps lesser-known. I’m a huge fan of the recently disbanded group “Fools and Horses” but their leader is still doing solo music and I strongly recommend you check him out: Matt Hutchison

Next, are my QUESTIONS FOR YOU, now in the hot seat:

1. How would you describe yourself with exactly six words?

2. What’s a great book you can recommend for my next vacation read?

3. What are the top two countries you want to see that you’ve not yet visited?

4. Do you collect anything (what)? If not, is there something you’ve thought about collecting?

5. If you could name a lipstick color, what would it be?

6. What outdoor activity do you most enjoy?

7. Which non-profit organization do you (or would you like to) passionately support?

8. Which household chore do you most loath?

9. What’s the earliest “appropriate” time of day to have a glass of wine?

10. If you could have one of the following personal service providers come to your home free for a year, which would you most want to have?

a)      house-cleaner

b)      a meal planner/cook

c)       a personal trainer/fitness instructor

d)      a masseuse

e)      a nanny

11. What’s the oddest thing anyone ever asked you?

Finally, the awesome BLOGGERS I'm tagging in this game are:
Check out their pages, because they are all amazing, interesting women from across the globe! Reading their blogs is like taking a trip around the world right from your living room (Many of them can be found on the Blogger Map).


1. Land of Bean
2. Emma's Expat Adventures
3. Hip As I Wanna Be
4. Somewhere between facebook and flickr sits fiona
5. KettwigeFrau
6. Blah-Blob-Blog
7. das Blog
8. Latte Love
9. Sabje's Blog
10. Life in Lajes
11. Decoy Betty

So, thanks for playing along. Later this week, back to our regularly scheduled programming :) Have a beautiful day!

Not Your Average Expat: Do-It-Yourself

As I negotiate my family's transition to a new country, I spend a lot of time talking to other expats here in Germany and reading blogs from expats around the world (especially seasoned "expert expats"). I've garnered a good bit of support this way, and know that I am not alone in many challenges I face or the way I often feel. But I've also learned I'm not the average expat, and it has me at a bit of a disadvantage. Worse, it has my kids at a disadvantage. One of the key things that make us different from a great many expats, is that we did not come here on a corporate contract. We're on the do-it-yourself plan.

We came back to Germany so my husband could return to his roots and be close to his aging parents and a handicapped brother, all of whom will need our support in the foreseeable future. It is something we knew we'd need to do one day, and initially thought we'd do right out of grad school. But circumstances, including my mother's unsuccessful cancer battle during the last year of my doctoral program, led us to stay in the United States longer than planned. We built a good life there for our kids and figured the move back to Europe could wait.  But about six years ago, my husband really started to feel like it was time to get back to his family, and we wanted to try to do it before the kids got to high school.

So my husband starting searching for overseas work and also requested a move with his employer, who has an office location in Germany. He was unable to find a new job, but after lengthy discussions, his boss approved a transfer of his current job, but needed to get it through Human Resources. It took HR several years to approve the request and figure out how to transfer his job to their European office. But that was all they would agree to do - to allow him to work in Germany while maintaining the position he had. From their perspective, this was an optional move and they were being gracious to allow us to relocate - at our expense. This meant that we would get no support or assistance from them.

Doing it ourselves, it seems we've made every mistake in the book. As mentioned in an earlier post, we failed to understand the housing market, so we lost a lot of time and money trying to find a place to live, and ultimately had to exceed our budget to get into any place at all. But we also failed to understand the myriad paperwork, from licensing our vehicle, to getting my German drivers' license, and most importantly, enrolling the kids in school and getting them the help they need.

If we had been on a standard corporate contract, much of this would have been anticipated for us, explained, and often, paid for. Other expats I've met were given generous moving budgets that covered fees on the sale of their real estate, the international shipping, airfare, temporary housing until a permanent place was found, meal per diems, real estate agent fees, furnishings, various licensing fees, even health club costs and household help (cooks & maids!). But best of all, many expats get international school tuition covered for the children.

I can't imagine how much easier my life would be with even a fraction of this support. Instead, as do-it-yourself-expats with four children, we spent every penny we had on the cost of the moving company and all of the setting-up-house expenses once we got here. Then we ended up over budget on the rental we finally found, and now are also spending hundreds of Euros a week on various tutors for the children. There's certainly no health club or maid. There's not even an electric clothes dryer.

But I can live without most of those trimmings and I even think it is good for us to learn to live with fewer luxuries. What I most regret not having is the funds to cover international school. Watching my kids struggle through the local schools, as teenagers, has been incredibly painful. With only basic language skills, the older ones are unable to keep up in all of their subjects. They are frustrated and, at times, quite depressed. I've spent today online looking for summer language immersion camps and bi-lingual counselors (in recent weeks I was online looking for pediatricians, ophthalmologists, dentists and orthodontists). I need to build their support system here, without much of my own support system. I'm fumbling along in the dark, and as I read other expat blogs looking for guidance, it seems most had substantial corporate support. Anyone who didn't have a corporate contract was smart enough to not try bringing teens with them.

Well, we're here now and we'll make the best of it. If you have resources or tips to share, I welcome your comments. And one day, I am sure this experience will make my kids much stronger, more flexible, confident, and interesting people, capable of taking on the world! We Can Do It!